


Your Arms Around Me

by xxenjoy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 9x03 re-write, Anal Sex, Canon Divergent, Love Confessions, M/M, cas in the bunker, kind of?, showering together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 21:41:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1998864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas had been human for a month and a half, and it had been nearly half that long since the Winchesters had heard so much as a hello from the former angel. The restless anxiety was fear in disguise, buried so deep that it resurfaced in a form that was easier to manage, easier to accept. Except it wasn't easier to manage, and if Dean didn't find something to do soon, or just find Cas, he was going to lose his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Arms Around Me

**Author's Note:**

> So I found it necessary to re-write Cas and Dean's reunion in s9. Tbh if I had the effort, I would rewrite a lot of Cas and Dean in s9, but sadly I am lazy (and way behind on the rest of my writing lol). So here's a thing, I hope you like it c:

Dean was restless. He'd tidied his entire room, the kitchen, the Impala, the shower room, the map room- hell, he'd practically cleaned the entire bunker and his skin was still crawling. He needed something that could successfully hold his attention for more than half an hour, but after cleaning and re-cleaning his gun, he'd flopped face up on his bed, staring at the ceiling and clenching his fists. There was a reason for this listlessness, he knew, but he actively tried not to think about it, just as hard as he tried to occupy himself. 

Cas had been human for a month and a half, and it had been nearly half that long since the Winchesters had heard so much as a hello from the former angel. The restless anxiety was fear in disguise, buried so deep that it resurfaced in a form that was easier to manage, easier to accept. Except it wasn't easier to manage, and if Dean didn't find something to do soon, or just find Cas, he was going to lose his mind.

He jumped up off his bed, an idea springing to mind, and grabbed the keys to the Impala before shouting to find out where Sam was. He followed the responding shout up the library - where else? - and stood in the doorway, shifting his weight as Sam peered at him over the spine of a thick book.

"What's up?" he asked, "you find something out about Abbadon?"

"Uh, not so much. I'm going out for a drive," he closed his eyes, raising both eyebrows, "I'm losing it, sitting around here doing nothing."

"There's nothing _to_ do yet, Dean- oh." 

He hated that look. That I'm-so-sorry sympathetic bullshit look that Sam kept shooting him when he thought Dean wasn't looking. 

"Dean, it's been six weeks-"

"Don't even think it, Sammy," he clenched his jaw, willing the unwanted images out of his mind.

"You gotta be realistic about this, Dean. He's never been human before, not long enough to have to eat and drink and -"

"I'm gonna go find him."

Sam conceded with a sigh, offering up another one of _those_ looks, "okay."

-=-=-=-

Driving helped the itch. He had the radio blaring and the window rolled down despite the cold weather. It didn't matter all that much, he was _doing_ something now. He stopped at every person walking along the side of the road, actually pulling over to re-evaluate his mental state when he stopped at a deer bounding into the brush. Of all the times Castiel had left him, this was affecting him the most by far. Cas wasn't just gone now, he was human, and he was out there all alone trying to figure out this new humanity on his own. Or maybe he wasn't alone, maybe someone had found him and taken him in and was feeding him and keeping him warm. Dean's entire body tensed at the idea. Taking care of Cas was _his_ job, self-appointed as it was.

After a couple hours he stopped at a Burger King for dinner. Not in the mood to shout through the window at a drive-thru attendant, he went inside and ordered three times as much food as he could eat. _Just in case_ , he told himself. By the time he went back to the car, it was raining hard enough that he had to hide the bags of food under his coat to keep them from soaking through. He stripped out of the wet coat, tossing it into the backseat and slid into the car, setting the bags of food on the seat next to him. 

His brain returned to its task the second he started the car, imagining everyone and every _thing_ anywhere near the road was Cas. After a while he began to think Sam might be right - not about everything - he still flat out refused to believe Cas was dead - but he wasn't expecting to find him anymore. 

He was focusing so hard on the fact that Cas _had_ to be alive, that he nearly missed the figure crouched at the side of the road. The figure that rose suddenly, and all at once as the distinctive car passed. Dean slammed on the brakes, glad that the tree-edged highway was all but empty, and scrambled out of the car.

Even at the distance he was standing he could see the muddled expression of the man looking back at him, much the way he was when he returned from Purgatory. A smile tugged at the corner of Dean's lips and he was running. He crossed the distance with no recollection of doing so and drew Cas flush against him none too gently, pressing his nose into the man's ear. He couldn't think of anything sensible to say, his brain too occupied with _Cas_. Cold, damp arms came up to circle his waist, and Dean just squeezed him harder, pressing subconscious kisses into Castiel's hair.

"Thought I'd lost you," he whispered against Cas' temple. 

The rain pounded down on them, soaking them both, but neither moved more than to shift impossibly closer. Dean dropped his forehead to Castiel's shoulder, making a conscious decision this time to kiss his neck, nosing just below his ear.

"You wanna come home?"

"I was trying to," was Cas' reply, muffled by Dean's shoulder. He reluctantly untangled himself from Cas, taking his hand without a second thought and leading him back to the car. He ushered Cas into the passenger seat, grabbing his coat from the back seat and wrapping it around his friend's shoulders. 

"Help yourself to the food, I uh," he felt the heat rising in his cheeks and wasn't sure where the sudden awkwardness had cropped up from, but the second Cas looked over at him it multiplied, and he turned back to the road, "I got extra," he finished lamely. Castiel remained quiet next to him, watching Dean closely as he turned the key and started forward. Dean knew the cause of the silence, remembered the last time they parted, couldn't imagine what Cas had been through since. 

Cas' soft "I'm sorry" filled the air for a long time before Dean worked up the courage to form a reply.

"Me too," he choked back the wave of emotion that threatened to overtake him, resisted the urge to pull the car over and just wrap himself around Cas, keep him safe and warm and never let him leave. He tried his restraint, resting one hand on Cas' knee and squeezing gently without looking over. The sudden warmth that covered his hand jolted him, but as Castiel's fingers slipped in between his, he relaxed, letting their joined hands fall comfortably between them.

Dean realized belatedly that he was holding Cas' hand, and for no other reason than he _could_ , but it felt right, and it was fucking amazing to have Cas _right there_ so he didn't question it, and if he curled his fingers a little tighter around Cas', well that was their business.

-=-=-=-

Dean shouted for his brother the second they crossed through the door. He kept one arm slung protectively around Castiel's shoulders, the other hand carrying the remains of their dinner. Sam was in the map room almost immediately, concern written plainly on his face. The expression switched as his eyes settled on the pair coming down the steps, mouth falling open and eyebrows drawing inwards in confusion.

"Cas?" he choked out.

"Hello, Sam."

"Dude, you got a towel or something, Cas is freezing."

Sam was only gone for a moment, just long enough for Dean to pull his jacket a little tighter around Castiel's shoulders, before he returned with a blanket from one of the chairs in the library.

"You okay, man?" he asked, spreading it awkwardly over Dean's arm as he refused to move it from Cas' shoulders.

"I've been better," Cas mumbled.

"Least you're talking now," Dean smiled encouragingly, "come on, let's get you into a hot shower and I'll find you something dry to wear." He led Cas through the archway and down the hall, and as soon as they were out of earshot, the shorter man spoke again.

"I am sorry, Dean, about the tablet, about-"

"Dude, it's _okay_. None of that matters anymore, I'm just glad that you're okay."

"I'm _human_ , Dean," he spoke the word like it was something unpleasant, and if it had been anyone but Cas speaking, Dean probably would have been offended by the tone.

"I know," he said softly, turning him into a doorway, "but first things first, we have to get you warm and dry." He watched as Castiel took in the shower room; the open cubicles lining one side and counters and cubby holes on the other. "My stuff's in this one," Dean pointed out, "feel free to use whatever you want, if you-" he stopped himself short of saying the word, "if you're gonna be around for a bit, we can pick you up your own stuff so you don't have to smell like me," he chuckled anxiously.

"Why would I mind that?" Cas asked, eyebrows pulling together, genuinely confused and it was all Dean could do not to bend down and kiss the confusion off his stupid face because it was just so _Cas_ , and he was here now, in Dean's home. Instead, he shook his head, a soft smile playing on his lips, and left Cas alone to go find him something to wear when he was finished.

-=-=-=-

He returned to the bathroom to find Cas glancing around, looking a little overwhelmed if the slump in his shoulders was anything to go by. Silently, Dean locked the door and deposited the pile of clean clothes on the counter and came up close behind Castiel, snaking his arms around the man's waist, uncaring that he was mostly dry now and Cas was still soaked.

"God, I missed you so much," his hands slid up to tug the blanket and his own coat off Cas' shoulders, pressing his nose into damp, dark hair. "I was so fuckin' scared. You could have- I thought you-" he took a shaky breath, shutting his eyes as Castiel's hands came up to cover his own, soft and warm.

"I'm not," he said simply, and Dean couldn't help the broken laugh that escaped his throat. He buried his nose further into Cas' hair, pressing his lips against his neck, trailing down to the uncovered skin on his shoulders. His fingers curled under the edges of the drenched sweater, pulling it off along with the jacket. They dropped with a splat onto the floor between them, but Dean ignored the fact that his socks were soaking up the water, sliding a hand into Cas' shirt and dragging it down to pop the snaps. 

Cas hummed appreciatively with each touch, leaning back into the soft kisses Dean continued to pepper kisses over his shoulders. The shirt shortly joined the pile of wet clothes, and Dean was tugging on the last barrier between his hands and Castiel's bare torso when Cas leaned back, dropping his head against Dean's shoulder.

"What are you doing?" he asked, one eyebrow raised and eyes narrowed, questioning but not angry. Dean was sure if they were face to face Cas would be doing that stupid little head tilt that he did when he didn't understand, and for a moment, Dean was almost upset that he wasn't.

"Getting you out of these clothes so you can get in the shower and warm the hell up." Castiel considered this for some time, as if it was something that needed careful consideration. Dean waited.

"Will you join me?"

"Cas, I-" he tried to protest, but the words died on his tongue. Cas looked up at him so honest and _hopeful_ , that all he could do was curl his arms tight around his stomach, "you want me to?"

"Yes," Castiel replied, pressing his lips gingerly to the underside of Dean's jaw. 

"Okay," he breathed, slipping his hands down to undo Cas' pants. He barely had the zipper down before Cas was turning in his arms, pushing Dean's coat and flannel off his shoulders with some difficulty. Dean grabbed the hem of his t-shirt to tug it off himself, but he was stopped by firm hands on his and warm lips against his mouth. He forgot how to move in that instant, frozen in place by Cas' reluctance to pull away, and then his lips parted and he was kissing him back. 

It wasn't rough, but there was nothing gentle about the kiss. Every unspoken word, every apology that was never enough was poured out in the slide of lips. They only parted to pull each other's shirts over their heads, chests rising and falling a little too quickly. 

When Dean finally pulled back, tears stung the back of his eyes and all he could do was let Cas finish undressing him, eagerly accepting the softer kisses the ex-angel now pressed into his lips. Cas slid his own pants and underwear over his hips, pushing Dean backward as he stepped out of them. It was a little unnerving being naked with Cas, he was open, bare and just letting Cas tug him into the shower cubicle as if he'd done it a million times. Dean's mind raced, ignoring the freezing water that sprayed over him in favour of panicking. What if this was too much? What if it wasn't enough? What if _he_ wasn't enough? Would Cas leave again, would he-

"Dean?" one soft hand slid up to cover his cheek, fingers curling underneath his jaw. He forcefully raised his eyes to meet Cas' gaze and chuckled anxiously, letting his head bump against Cas'.

"Gimme a sec, I gotta grab something," he slipped away easily, crossing to the cubbies and returning with two bottles, one of which he set on the small shelf over Castiel's shoulder. He flicked the lid open on the other, squirting a small amount of the pink gel into his hand before setting the bottle next to the other one. Cas' eyes rolled up, and if trying to watch as Dean rubbed the shampoo into his hair, but slowly fell shut as Dean used both hands to massage his head.

"Is this okay?" Dean asked. His only reply was a series of sighs and Cas' fingers pressing lightly into his hips, he assumed that meant yes. "Turn around," he mumbled, reaching for the second bottle. He froze as Castiel complied, turning his back to Dean. Two thick, jagged scars ran parallel down back, and Dean reached out tentatively, tracing the outline of one. Castiel's breath caught, and he jerked away, looking over his shoulder with something like panic in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Dean breathed, "what happened?"

"My wings," Cas dropped his chin, defeated, "when Metatron stole my Grace, it wasn't the only thing I lost. He healed me, but there are some wounds that never fully heal..."

It was a long, silent moment as Dean worked through the sudden fury that rushed through his entire being. He wanted nothing more than to kill the son of a bitch who lost Cas his wings, caused him so much pain. His fists clenched at his side until Castiel reached back, taking each of Dean's hands in his own. 

"I'm so sorry, Cas," he wrapped his arms around the man's chest, bringing Cas' arms up with him and pressed a tender kiss to the tip of the first scar. When Cas didn't pull away again, he made his way down, kissing the uneven lines of the each scar, Cas' fingers wrapped tightly around his own.

-=-=-=-

They didn't leave the shower until the water ran cold between them and the last of the soap swirled down the drain. Dean wrapped a towel around his hips and rubbed his hair dry as Castiel dressed himself in Dean's sweatpants and t-shirt, considering his reflection in the steamed up mirror. Dean slipped up behind him, curling one arm around his waist and toying with the drawstring on his sweatpants.

"You look good," he hummed, kissing the top of his head, "you must be exhausted, Cas. If you want, you can crash in my room, none of the others are really made up, but I'll get a room set up for you later if you want?" 

Cas nodded his assent, letting Dean lead him out of the shower room and down the hall to his bedroom. He sat on the corner of the bed as Dean slipped on a pair of boxers and dug through his dresser for something to wear. Cas had been so quiet for the most part, that when he spoke it caught Dean off guard and he spun around quickly.

"Dean, come here." 

Dean complied, crossing over and fitting himself between Castiel's legs as tentative fingers brushed up the backs of his thighs. Cas' eyes flicked up to his own, bright as ever and shining even in the dim light.

"What is this?" he asked, his fingers slipping just under the edge of Dean's boxers. Dean hesitated, trying to decipher the emotion in Castiel's eyes.

"Whatever you want it to be." It was the safe answer, it wasn't about him, not what _he_ wanted, but he would be whatever Cas wanted him to be. 

The pressure on the backs of his legs was gone suddenly, and he looked up slowly, afraid Cas would pull away from him and that would be that. Instead, the corner of the man's mouth was pulled up in a half-smile, still visibly uncertain as he leaned into Dean, kissing down the center of his chest as his hands smoothed up his sides, his back until Cas' fingers curled forward over his shoulders, holding him close. 

Dean's eyelids dropped shut as his fingers slid through Castiel's hair as, the warmth of Cas' mouth sliding down over the gentle rise of his belly and down to his hips. He squirmed a little, willing his body not to react to the sudden presence of Cas' tongue drawing warm, wet circles over the jut of his hip. Cas' hands slid down, pressing firmly against Dean's back, keeping him still as he ceased movement, mumbling into Dean's skin. He tilted his head back, looking up to Dean. 

"I love you," he whispered, and Dean stilled. He stood silent, gaze locked onto Castiel's as he tried to fathom how anyone who knew him like Cas did could ever _love_ him. "Dean?" The soft brush of Cas' fingertips focused his attention and he dropped onto the mattress, knees on either side of Castiel's hips. 

He cupped Cas' face, rubbing a soft circle against his cheek before drawing him close, "I love you, Cas."

Castiel closed the distance between them, catching Dean's lips with his own as he pulled him down into his lap. He shuffled backwards onto the bed, leaning back against the mattress and bringing Dean down along with him. With a soft moan, Dean broke the kiss, shoving Cas' shirt up and over his head. His mouth was already back on Cas' skin when he tossed the shirt away, sucking blotchy marks into the sensitive skin on his neck. He left a short trail of hickeys down to Cas' chest, far too pleased with himself that the ones on his neck would be visible above the collar of his shirt. 

Cas arched off the bed with a little sigh as Dean travelled down, alternating between playful nips and soothing kisses, his hands gently framing Castiel's hips. He didn't stop when he reached his waistband, nuzzling against Cas' thigh through the fabric oh his sweatpants and Cas whined above him, shifting his hips encouragingly. Dean sat back on his heels, smoothing his hands up Cas' thighs, just avoiding the obvious bulge in his pants. 

" _Please_ ," Cas breathed, reaching down to drag his fingers through Dean's hair. He gasped at the first tentative press of Dean's mouth to his still-covered erection, moaning as Dean slid up to the tip, mouthing at it through the thick cotton. Each whimper and moan went directly to Dean's cock and he was already hard, barely resisting the urge to grind down against the mattress.

Cas tugged him up suddenly, claiming his mouth in a desperate kiss as his hands slid beneath Dean's waistband, pushing his boxers down his thighs until Dean had to move away to tug them off. Cas' sweatpants hit the floor a few seconds later and Dean crawled back up the bed, kissing and nuzzling his way up before sealing his lips over Cas' again. He angled his hips away and pushed one hand down his chest, just barely brushing his fingertips under Cas' cock, swallowing the soft whine Cas let out. He kissed him deeply, but brief before shuffling somewhat awkwardly back down to Cas' hips. 

At the first press of lips against his erection, Cas shifted, another high-pitched sound escaping his lips. Dean hummed, pressing his arms under Cas' thighs to rub circles over his stomach, grinning lightly as he pressed open-mouthed kisses down his length. When his lips finally slipped over the head of Cas' cock, the response was immediate. Dean pressed his hips down, keeping him still even as Cas bucked up, his moan breaking the stillness in the room. He barely refrained from looking up to watch Cas' face, shutting his eyes instead and sinking down. 

Dean wanted to draw it out, make it as good as he could for Cas. He wanted to be patient, but Cas was gasping and moaning beneath him, making it hard for him to do anything patiently. He pulled up with a displeased whimper from Cas, grinning at him as he pressed their chests together. 

"God, I missed you," he mumbled into Cas' neck, punctuating the words with fleeting kisses, "can I- do you want-" the words were lost as soon as they left his lips, but Cas leaned up to him.

"Yes, Dean," he hummed between kisses, "I want you to."

Dean surged forward, kissing him heatedly, a grin spreading across his face. One hand dipped between Cas' legs, slipping a finger back to rub over his entrance. Cas sighed, going limp against the mattress as Dean eased into him slowly. When he pulled back, Cas' eyebrows pinched together and Dean withdrew as carefully as he could, sitting up and shuffling backwards. 

"Just gimme two seconds, okay?" 

Cas nodded and Dean could feel his eyes on him as he crossed back to the dresser. He grabbed the bottle of lube and returned to the bed. Cas smiled up at him and Dean dipped down to kiss him quickly, before slicking up his hand and pressing back between Cas' legs. Cas groaned as he pushed in again, one hand coming up to brush through Dean's hair.

"Better?"

"Yes," Cas breathed, rolling his head back.

"Sorry," Dean huffed a nervous laugh, "I guess I'm a little nervous, I don't want to fuck this up."

"Don't be." Dean crooked his finger and Cas inhaled sharply, "here, with you, this is the best I've felt in a long time." A low moan escaped his throat and Dean shifted to kiss over Cas' hips as he teased a second finger at his entrance. He slipped in and Cas groaned, pushing back just a little. Dean grinned and crawled up, sliding his hand under Cas' head to prop him up, dropping soft kisses to his lips as he pumped his fingers in and out. 

Cas dropped his head back when Dean flexed his fingers and Dean took the opportunity to kiss his neck, licking a stripe up to his jaw. Cas moaned and the sound vibrated against Dean's lips, doing nothing but encouraging him. 

When Dean finally added a third finger, Cas ground down on him, moaning softly. He was meeting Dean's every thrust now, digging his heels into the sheets, and Dean was having a difficult time being patient. He waited until he was sure Cas was ready before crawling up over him. Cas dragged him down into a deep kiss, hooking one knee over Dean's hips to rock against him. 

"I need you," he breathed, one hand sliding back to curl in Dean's hair.

"I know," Dean rolled onto his back and tugged Cas after him until the ex-angel was straddling his hips. He reached between them, slicking himself up as Cas kissed his chest. He aligned himself with Cas, pushing his hips up to slide between his cheeks and it was already amazing. Shuffling down the bed a little, he pressed up, his cock catching against Cas' rim. They let out twin moans and Dean pressed his hand on Cas' hips, guiding him down over his length. 

Cas dropped down in one measured movement, bracing himself on Dean's chest. Dean's fingers curled into his skin as he steadied himself, adjusting to the constricting heat around him. He managed to get out a strained _"you okay?"_ before Cas rocked his hips forward once and Dean had to struggle to relax his hold on Cas. Cas leaned down next to his ear, and this time when he rocked forward, Dean could feel the slide of Cas' cock against his stomach, warm and wet.

"You won't hurt me," Cas assured him, but Dean just shook his head and kissed him. 

When Cas really started to move, Dean pulled his knees up, thrusting up to meet him. He tugged Cas down to him, pressing their lips together more roughly than he intended to. Cas nipped gently at his lips, humming contentedly when Dean opened to him. 

It seemed almost like a dream, that Cas was actually there with him, safe and warm and happy, and wanting Dean as much as he wanted Cas. He didn't know if it would last, if he could keep this, but for now Cas was his, and Cas loved him. Cas _loved_ him. Dean's hips stuttered and his hands smoothed down Cas' sides as the ex-angel looked down on him, eyes wide with lust. 

"I love you," Dean whispered, "so goddamn much you don't even know." Cas smiled and pressed himself flush against Dean, wrapping his arms around his head. When Cas kissed him, he could feel his smile, and couldn't help smiling back against him. He rolled Cas onto his back, kissing his chest and tangling the fingers of one hand with his as he slowed his hips sliding deep with each thrust. 

Cas' legs wrapped around his waist again as Dean pushed himself up, propping himself up with one hand as the other wrapped around Cas' cock. Cas moaned and thrust into his hand, his eyes falling shut as he muttered incoherently. Dean couldn't keep his eyes off of him, watching each twinge of his mouth, each flutter of eyelids. Cas bit his bottom lip and Dean groaned at the sight, sliding his fingers up over the head of Cas' cock. 

It didn't take much more before Cas was crying out with each thrust, muttering what Dean could only assume was Enochian. He couldn't understand a word of it, but something about the foreign words was really fucking hot, especially dropping from Cas' mouth between his moans. 

" _Dean_ ," he whined, thrusting up into his hand, " _Dean_ -" Dean stroked him quickly, hips stuttering as he started to lose control. 

Cas came without warning, clawing at the sheets and shouting something Dean couldn't understand. He tugged Dean down to him, claiming his mouth. Dean kissed him deeply, snapping his hips only a few more times before he was coming, forehead pressed against Cas' chest. 

He was shaking, but Cas' hand slid up the back of his neck, pushing his fingertips into Dean's hair. Dean dropped to the side, his chest still heaving as he mumbled the words _"I missed you"_ to the empty air. 

"I missed you too, Dean, but I couldn't- I didn't know if you would want me back." Dean reached over the side of the bed, grabbing the first piece of cloth he could find to wipe of Cas' stomach. 

He tossed the soiled shit away and rolled onto his side, sliding his arm over Cas' hip to draw him in, chest pressed against Cas' back. 

"I will _always_ want you back," he said sincerely, kissing Cas' hair, "nothing you do will make me not want you."

"Can I stay?"

Dean pressed his nose into Cas' neck, and closed his eyes, "don't ever leave." Only silence followed for a moment, and then Cas' fingertips pressed up between his own, curling protectively around them.

"I won't."


End file.
